


Dear Haru

by ValiantRaze



Category: Free!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-30
Updated: 2015-12-30
Packaged: 2018-05-10 08:04:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5577642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ValiantRaze/pseuds/ValiantRaze
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A letter from Rin to Haru, and Haru's reply.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dear Haru

**Author's Note:**

> Here you go Sophie

Dear Haru,

  
There were so many things I didn't tell you. Every time I tried to say something to you, I would either end up screaming or crying. I'm sorry.

  
There were so many things.

  
Like the time when we first swam together as kids, I didn't tell you how much I wanted to be like you, how free you looked while you were in the water, and how jealous I was of you.

  
Like in middle school, when we finally became friends. I didn't tell you how great it was to have you as a friend, how thankful I was that you were always at my side.

  
You sent me so many cold glances, Haru, but I could tell you didn't mean them, because you always helped me out when I needed you to. Like the time I forgot my lunch, so you shared yours with me, without me even having to ask.

  
Like the time I laughed so hard I fell into the pool, and you dragged me out, and then lowkey made sure I was okay.

  
There were so many things.

  
Like the time in middle school I wrote 'For The Team' on my brick and, of course, I meant for the entire team, but you always stood out Haru.

  
Like the time I told you and Makoto I was moving to Australia, and you lost your blank expression for a minute and you looked so sad. I felt so bad, Haru. I really did.

  
Like the time I asked you to swim in the relay with me. Before that, you only swam freestyle, and my heart was beating so fast when you said you would. You broke your boundaries for me, and I almost hugged you right then and there. I don't think I understood what love was back then.

  
Like the time I said, "Romantic, right?" and your face faltered for just a second. I think even I thought I was joking back then. I've come to realise I wasn't. And the scene that day was so pretty, us stood there, under the cherry blossom tree, talking. I loved that day.

  
I loved middle school, Haru. You made it special, but then I moved to Australia, and we couldn't see each other any more.

  
There were so many things.

  
Like the fact that, when I moved to Australia, I could hardly speak English and no one wanted to be my friend, and at that time I missed you so much, Haru because you accepted me and god, I missed you.

  
Like the fact that I went to the beach in Australia and I looked at it and it made me feel so much calmer because it reminded me of you. I looked at the ocean and it felt as if you were there with me.

  
Like the fact that, in Australia, I found out that I wasn't as good at swimming as I thought I was and I kept thinking 'If I can't even swim well, then what the hell can I do well?' Because that was the one thing I thought I was good at, but I could hardly compete with most of the guys on the swim team at my school.

  
Like the fact that you were the reason I survived while in Australia because the thought of you kept me going. Even in the hardest times, you were the reason I tried my best.

  
And then I came back to Japan. And I'm not sure why I kept it a secret from you, but maybe it was the fact that I just didn't know how to thank you. I wanted to see you again so badly but I didn't know how I would react so I kept myself away. I mean, there were so many things that could've gone wrong. I didn't think I would be able to bear it if something went wrong.

  
There were so many things.

  
Like the time you found out from Gou that I was back from Australia, and I didn't give you a good greeting because I didn't know how to convey my feelings. I just wanted to hug you, kiss you, anything! But I didn't.

  
Like the time I finally won the race against you, and I felt like maybe it had gotten rid of the 'stupid middle school crush', like maybe I had proven something to myself. But then I saw the look on your face and I realised that it wasn't just a stupid middle school crush and that I really did like you. And, god, seeing you like that hurt, but I had to keep up my act. I couldn't do anything.

  
Like the times we swam together in races and it felt so good, so natural to be in the water with you again. We weren't swimming a relay, but that was okay because swimming with you was enough. Then, when I looked at you, I couldn't help but smile because, damn. You look adorable when you've just come out of the water.

  
Like the time when I couldn't swim well enough in my race and I was outside crying. You came to find me and I wanted to hug you so bad, Haru, I swear. But I was so mad at myself that all I could do was shout. Then, I saw where you had written 'For The Team' in the sand and I couldn't hold it in any more. I burst out crying because I loved you so much Haru and I couldn't believe that you had actually remembered the phrase that I had written on that wall we stood next to when I told you I was moving. And then, you had written it, without even knowing I would see it. You thought about me.

  
And, after that, Haru, I realised that I loved you. I loved you so much, but I was so bad at conveying my feelings and I knew you didn't love me back. I could tell and it broke my heart.

  
But then, there was the one last thing.

  
The time you called me over to Iwatobi to swim in the pool filled with cherry blossom petals and, yet again, another thing I couldn't believe you had remembered. I couldn't believe you had remembered a wish I had made years ago, and then made it come true. I really didn't want any more reasons to fall in love with you Haru, but you just kept giving them to me.

  
So, I guess what I'm trying to say here is that I love you and I have done for some time now. You don't feel the same way, but thank you. Thank you so much Haru, for everything you've done. You've helped me so much throughout my life and I can't even express how thankful I am.

  
But none of this matters now... Because I'm moving again. I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier, just like when I went to Australia, but I needed to get all of this off my chest and I wasn't sure if I could stand to tell you all of this in person. I think I would've ended up finally kissing you, and you don't want that.

  
So, I'm sorry Haru.

  
Thank you

  
Rin


	2. Dear Rin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haru's reply

Dear Rin,

There were so many things I didn't tell you too. Too many. I'm sorry. I couldn't express my feelings either. I've never been good at that sort of thing, you know I haven't.

There were too many things.

The first time we swam together, Rin, I didn't feel the same as you. To be honest, I didn't pay much attention to you. And I had no idea how far we would come in the later years. Now, looking back at that moment, maybe I could have done things differently, although I'm not sure how much difference it would've made.

When we first became friends in middle school, Rin, I wasn't sure what to think of you. I couldn't make up my mind about you. You were so complicated and I didn't know how to act around you. It sounds so so cliche, but you were like a car crash. I wanted to look away, but I couldn't.

I sent you all those cold glances, Rin, because I didn't know how to do anything else. I wasn't used to letting people in, but there was something in your air that just made me want to for you. I wanted to just open up to you, but part of me held myself back and I don't know what was wrong with me. However, I did try hard. Like the time I shared my lunch with you. That was me trying to open up.

The time you laughed so hard you fell into the pool, Rin, I just had to drag you out. I didn't even think. It was instinct. I had to protect you. Back then, I put it down to just being really good friends. Now, I'm not quite sure.

There were too many things.

The time you wrote For The Team on your brick, Rin, I was speechless. I didn't know why, but nowadays I think it was because you could have written anything on your brick, but what you wrote included me. Whenever, you thought about me in ways like that, I loved it. I pretend that I didn't back then. I pretend so hard that I even fooled myself, but what you wrote on that brick ignited something in me. Almost like a punch in the face. Team, that's what we were. And in a way, I lived for that. I did everything for swimming, for the team.

When you told me you were moving to Australia, Rin, I couldn't believe it. It was a reality check and it felt like all the bones in my body shattered. It made me realise how much I needed you. My mind couldn't seem to process the fact that you were leaving. I was in denial for a long time. I couldn't face the fact that you were gone and I missed you so so much. In that moment when you told me, my world crumbled to the ground, and I was forced to live there. You held up my entire world.

When you asked me to swim the relay with you, Rin, I couldn't refuse. You had told me you were leaving, and I didn't care what I had said previously. Screw only swimming free if it meant I got to swim with you one last time. In that moment, I would've broken down all of my boundaries for you, because I realised how much I was going to miss you. I couldn't bear to see you go. I wanted, no needed to swim the relay with you.

Then, Rin, when you said "Romantic, right?", I started to think that maybe it was. I always dismissed the thought because I thought it was stupid. We were just best friends. That's all. Now, though, I think differently. And that scene was so so bittersweet. The scenery was so pretty, you had finally managed to break down some of my walls, but you were leaving. And I wasn't sure how to take that. And, damn, I think that day might have been my best had it not been for that one piece of life-shattering news. Yeah, romantic. Painfully, but nevertheless, romantic.

I loved middle school too, Rin, I just found it hard to express that. And then, when you moved to Australia, it killed me. It felt like my heart had been ripped right out of my chest. It hurt so so bad, and not being able to see you was almost more than I could bear.

There were too many things.

When you moved to Australia, Rin, nothing really felt right anymore. It felt like you had abandoned us. I was worried for you. After all, you hardly knew any English. And my life felt so empty without you. I had taken you for granted before and I realised that when you moved to Australia. I got to a point where I didn't care how selfish I was being, I wanted you back.

When you were in Australia, Rin, I looked at the brick you had written on a lot. For The Team. Those words gave me strength. Even if you weren't physically with me, no amount of wishing could change that, so I would go and run my fingers along your brick, tracing all its bumps, knowing that your fingers had touched them before. It helped a lot.

After you had gone, Rin, swimming didn't feel right. Because without you, it wasn't normal. We weren't a team and swimming without you felt so dull and so wrong.

It felt so horrible to not have you there, Rin, but I got through it. All the memories of you, all the little marks you made on my life, they kept me going. Whenever I thought of them, I realised that it would be okay, even if you weren't physically beside me.

There were too many things.

All this time, Rin, I can't believe you thought I didn't love you back. Of course I did, I still do. Not to be cheesy, but you've practically left a handprint on my heart. If anything, it should've been me who thought that you didn't love me. Because how could you love someone who had given you almost nothing to love. All the things you said in your letter, they meant so much to you. I don't understand how. Maybe you're thinking the same about all the things I've put in this letter.

When I begun this, Rin, I was just going to paraphrase your letter, but screw that. Because yesterday I received the news that you had died in a plane crash. You deserve more than a paraphrasing. Because I lost you before I could tell you how I feel. It hurts so much. How could you leave me like this? It hurts, Rin. IT HURTS. And for the past few hours I've been sobbing and hating myself because you died thinking that I didn't love you back. HOW COULD I DO THAT TO YOU??

I regret it, Rin. I'm so sorry. I'm crying, even now. It was bad enough when you were in Australia, but now you aren't coming back. There isn't even a chance. HOW CAN I LIVE WITHOUT YOU RIN? I NEEDED YOU! AND YOU FUCKING LEFT ME!

No. I'm sorry. This isn't your fault. But, I'm sorry. With the way I'm feeling right now, maybe I'll see you soon.

Thank you for everything

Haru


End file.
